he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
