I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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