you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
