So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
