zippers are such a cool invention
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize