I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
