all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
