eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
