so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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