just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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