I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
