I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think I sprained my soul last night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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