Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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