I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
