I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she peed on how many people?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Are my feet made of real feet?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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