I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
