Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
