Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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