I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
