there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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