I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
