Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
