I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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