I'm so fucking centered right now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
