Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jerry, you need to find god
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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