see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
