so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
