just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
