You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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