They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
