I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
