Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't deserve a penis
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
