i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
