I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
