No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
