dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
