Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
