everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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