This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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