i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
