making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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