I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
