why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
