i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
