We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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