I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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