There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
