i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
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