She is in my trunk
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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