my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
