I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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