BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
