Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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