I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
