I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i've created a new STD.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
