Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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