I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
