is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
