I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
