using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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