Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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