Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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