you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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