I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
