i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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