Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
