i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
