i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
