Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
