i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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