I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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