I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
