I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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