shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
