you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
