were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i dont even know how to be here
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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