People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
