I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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