Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
