Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
